Articles Imitating Life – Random Topics that are Close to Heart.

I haven’t talked to my father in, oh, five years, at least? And, I had no intention of starting. Unfortunately, my ultimate FATHER had different plans.

I won’t go into why we stopped communicating, I will say that it was an emotional dam that had built up over years, only to be broken by a straw of considerable size placed on a very weak camel’s back. And, I was just through. That’s all, folks.

Since I’ve returned home the Lord through his Holy Spirit has addressed a few of my schewed perspectives. But, the last thing I wanted to address were those particular emotions associated with the (unfortunately all-too-common) disfunctional relationshionship my dad and I share/d…and all that my hurt feelings wrought on me and on others; that emotional mess was my “Goliath.” And I was just fine sweeping that giant under the rug.

But, I called him a couple days ago…yup.

At first, I dialed and was thrilled to get the voicemail…of a stranger? I’d had to ask a family member for his number and had apparently entered the wrong number into my phone!

It took another half hour, at least, to finally press “send” and let the call go through to the correct group of digits.

What got me to that point is not that I’m so obedient. If that was the case, I would have done this when God had prompted me four-six weeks ago.

But, yes, part of my motivation was knowing that I can’t knowingly be partially obedient to God and expect him to be able to lead me to the most fruitful life that he’s planned for me. This is something I am now -finally- learning. His plan is better than mine, but I’m also clueless in regards to what it takes to bring it to life. Me trying to find my own way around would be like trying to fly a plane for the first time and only following 99% of what the instructor is telling me. Then I wonder why we ended up at a whole other airport.

Anywho, regarding the title of this little entry, the main thing that finally compelled me forward is the fact that forgiveness can be a supernatural, instantanous thing; bbbuuuut it can also be a process. The Bible compels us that forgiveness most definitely shOuLd be accomplished, but it doesn’t dictate hOw it must be accomplished… That revelation was such a relief for me.

For me, it makes sense…it’s been a process allowing God to make inward changes (and still is…oy!) It’s been a process learning how to recognize and play my part in the development of a relationship that’s loving, considerate, genuine and is committed to promoting the best interests of both parties. It’s been a process just learning some new skills. I’m not experiencing that supernatural forgiveness, but that’s okay. I don’t have to lie or pretend because that seems more honorable, somehow; to do so would actually be unfair and would set us up for failure. But God is meeting me where I’m at.

But seeing this newly developing relationship honestly allows me to adjust to the truth of what I’m getting into. At least then I can more sincerely commit to seeing this through. And, I recognize that this does require a serious commitment.

So, I’m beginning tHIs process. I started it with the intention to see it through, trusting that God can and will be there to guide my steps, my words, my actions if I rely on him, wholly.

Just like budging a boulder out of its place, starting was the hardest part, you know? Following that, we had some momentum and ended up with a good convo, my dad and I.

For dad’s part, he was really open and respected where I was coming from; but to be fair, that’s a characteristic that’s been consistent for him concerning our talks. Good stuff.

Everything’s not resolved, but there is a sense of a burden lifting…and I know now to expect to fight and stand (and grit my teeth) through challenges posed by both of us along this journey. But, I also expect some unexpected highs benefiting us both. And, actually, that one conversation yielded one very needed and timely tidbit re: my business…so….what do you know?

So, yeah. I felt led to begin making regular weekly calls to him. I’m sure we will meet up at some point, too. But, for now, I’m at the calling stage. That’s where I’m at. But, at least it’s a start.

Keep me in your prayers if you remember, pls.

Q.